“For all our days have passed away in Your wrath; We finish our years like a sigh. The days of our lives are seventy years; And if by reason of strength they are eighty years, Yet their boast is only labor and sorrow; For it is soon cut off, and we fly away. Who knows the power of Your anger? For as the fear of You, so is Your wrath. So teach us to number our days, That we may gain a heart of wisdom.”
Psalms 90:9-12 NKJV
Twenty two thousand two hundred sixty five days (61 years)
I really don’t have the words to express my gratitude to God. I sit here in my living room, tapping away, trying to describe the long journey called life on which I have embarked. My life has been one long saga, of loss, destruction, pain, and salvation, recovery and restoration. What is to come is so glorious, there are no words, as it will be beyond anything I can imagine.
In these late days, the passage in Psalm 90 has increasing relevance, as I am nearing the outer limits of the basic parameters of life. Truthfully, I never expected to be around for this birthday. Each passing day has been an extra blessing, in light of all that I have endured.
Through the trials, I have been reminded of the volatility of the human life, as I witness the diminishing of my own body. I hurt everywhere. This morning, I am wincing at every keystroke, being reminded of my mortality, and being encouraged in the fact that one day, there will be no more pain.
As I have been made lower, I have seen the power of God manifested. As my dependency has increased, God’s faithfulness has met every need. I know that He knows the number of my days and knew them from the beginning.
“My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, The days fashioned for me, When as yet there were none of them. How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand; When I awake, I am still with You.”
Psalms 139:15-18 NKJV
I remember seeking assurance from God that He would take me home when my work was done. I was charged with caring for my father and my sister. During that time, cancer and kidney failure entered my life, I began to consider my mortality. My focus was on staying alive long enough to care for my loved ones. My hope was that the Lord would take me home when the work was completed.
Sister passed in December of 2017, and Dad in February 2019. I remember feeling hopeful, as at the time I was very ill, having had a multitude of complications after my kidney transplant. Imagine my confusion when I started getting stronger.
I wandered about my life in a state of confusion, wondering why the Lord had not taken me home. I was so alone. I sat around with no mission, no calling.
Around Thanksgiving of 2019, I had a bout of E Coli that the Lord used as a reset. In the illness He captured my attention, and a fire was lit within me. Soon after this, the Prayer Chair was reactivated, and on Christmas Day 2019, I began to write.
He had a purpose for me. He was not done.
“O Lord, You have searched me and known me. You know my sitting down and my rising up; You understand my thought afar off. You comprehend my path and my lying down, And are acquainted with all my ways. For there is not a word on my tongue, But behold, O Lord, You know it altogether. You have hedged me behind and before, And laid Your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; It is high, I cannot attain it.”
Psalms 139:1-6 NKJV
Over the past two years, I have been in a love affair with the Lord. Each. Morning, the Lord visits me, as He fills me with His Spirit. His presence is so strong, that I almost to expect to see Jesus sitting on the sofa. The word has been illuminated for me like never before, as the intricate things, easily missed have been highlighted by the Holy Spirit.
I marvel at how complete the Word of God is, how there is no need for further revelation, as the word is perfect and constantly relevant.
I have become more aware of His knowledge of me. Constant conscious contact with my Creator King, has reaffirmed that there is no hiding from Him. He knows it all. There are no hidden sin, no secrets. It is all open. It is very much a two way relationship.
“My son, if you receive my words, And treasure my commands within you, So that you incline your ear to wisdom, And apply your heart to understanding; Yes, if you cry out for discernment, And lift up your voice for understanding, If you seek her as silver, And search for her as for hidden treasures; Then you will understand the fear of the Lord, And find the knowledge of God.”
Proverbs 2:1-5 NKJV
You will also know the heart of God.
I are remember asking the Lord for His heart so many years ago, as I desired to see others as He does, in the hopes of leading many to the Lord. Over the years, the various trials have served to move me out of the way, that the heart of God would prevail. I am finding that what grieves the heart of the Lord grieves mine.
Through the 61 years of my life, I have seen the Lord’s faithfulness, even when I did not know Him. Looking back, I can see many of the times when there was certainly a supernatural intervention, at just the right time, sparing my life. If not for God, I would most certainly be dead.
Brothers and sisters, know that the Lord is faithful. He is always near, even in the times we don’t feel it to be so. In those times, it is likely we who have moved away. Seek the Lord today!
You might be one who has not yet come to know the Lord. I was there once. It can be so scary and so hopeless, as we are living in world where fear is everywhere and hope in short supply. But know this: Jesus saves! Jesus gives hope! Jesus brings peace!
“Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”
John 14:27 NKJV
Have a Fabulous Friday!