“When these things were done, the leaders came to me, saying, “The people of Israel and the priests and the Levites have not separated themselves from the peoples of the lands, with respect to the abominations of the Canaanites, the Hittites, the Perizzites, the Jebusites, the Ammonites, the Moabites, the Egyptians, and the Amorites. For they have taken some of their daughters as wives for themselves and their sons, so that the holy seed is mixed with the peoples of those lands. Indeed, the hand of the leaders and rulers has been foremost in this trespass.” So when I heard this thing, I tore my garment and my robe, and plucked out some of the hair of my head and beard, and sat down astonished.”
‭‭Ezra‬ ‭9:1-3‬ ‭NKJV‬‬


Early in my walk with the Lord, there were moments of severe brokenness where I had given in to some sin, and found myself convicted to the point of tears. In some cases the given sin had a consequence, that was inescapable and wasted much of my time, as flailed about trying to get back to some semblance of life before.

I would eventually repent, seek the Lord and then, much more quickly than I would like to admit, fall back into the same old sin. I was the proverbial dog going back to its vomit.

“As a dog returns to his own vomit, So a fool repeats his folly.”
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭26:11‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

It was as if all the pain and captivity of being caught up in sin has been forgotten. It is as if I am suffering with a case of spiritual amnesia, having no memory of what I had done and how it had infected my life.

In Ezra chapter nine this morning, I read of the children of Israel, having been liberated from captivity, having rebuilt the house of God and the walls around the community, going back to the very sins that had caused them to be sent into captivity in the first place. This is a type and shadow of the lives of many believers, as so many will do the work of sanctification, of revival, only to relent and fallback into sin. Not only did the common people fall, but so did the priests and Levites.

“So when I heard this thing, I tore my garment and my robe, and plucked out some of the hair of my head and beard, and sat down astonished. Then everyone who trembled at the words of the God of Israel assembled to me, because of the transgression of those who had been carried away captive, and I sat astonished until the evening sacrifice.”
‭‭Ezra‬ ‭9:3-4‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

Ezra and those who were spiritually aware, were dumbfounded as to what had happened, as those in sin had begun to intermarry with the people around them. They were shaken by the sin and even more shaken by what God could do. As with anyone who fears God, Ezra fasted and prayed, repenting of the sins of his nation, hoping that the Lord would have mercy.

In this moment in chapter 10, we see the picture of godly leadership. Holiness is required of all believers, but especially for those who hold the mantle of pastor or leader. Revival begins in those deacons, elders, leaders, teachers, and pastors, as they are the guides given by God to lead others.

“Now while Ezra was praying, and while he was confessing, weeping, and bowing down before the house of God, a very large assembly of men, women, and children gathered to him from Israel; for the people wept very bitterly. And Shechaniah the son of Jehiel, one of the sons of Elam, spoke up and said to Ezra, “We have trespassed against our God, and have taken pagan wives from the peoples of the land; yet now there is hope in Israel in spite of this. Now therefore, let us make a covenant with our God to put away all these wives and those who have been born to them, according to the advice of my master and of those who tremble at the commandment of our God; and let it be done according to the law. Arise, for this matter is your responsibility. We also are with you. Be of good courage, and do it.””
‭‭Ezra‬ ‭10:1-4‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

Brothers and sisters, if you find yourself caught up in a sin confess cycle, begin seeking the Lord. The next time you hit the bottom, and found yourself in sin, mark the moment, cry out to God and ask Him to help you do something different. Ask Him to search you to show you the moment when sin crept in, and your motivation shifted from pleasing God to pleasing self. Ask Jesus to root out the wickedness in your heart, by the power of the Holy Spirit and the washing of the word.

Pray that you do not forget the damage that sin can do, that in those moments leading up to sin, you are able to hear the whispers of God, as He tells you to go back. Let not amnesia invade the hearts and minds of those who desire to seek after God.

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties; And see if there is any wicked way in me, And lead me in the way everlasting.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭139:23-24‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

Be aware of the patterns that have brought failure in the past, and ask God to help you do things different. If you are one affected by bad relationships, remember the types of people you are attracted to, and look away from anyone who fits the patterns. If you are weakest in moments of anxiety, sadness, hunger, anger etc. , use those triggers as red flag warnings and seek the Lord.

“He also brought me up out of a horrible pit, Out of the miry clay, And set my feet upon a rock, And established my steps.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭40:2‬ ‭NKJV‬‬


Autobiography in Five Short Chapters

~ Portia Nelson

Chapter One
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost …. I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
Chapter Two
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend that I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in this same place.
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter Three
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in … it’s a habit … but, my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
Chapter Four
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
Chapter Five

I walk down another street.

THE PRAYER CHAIR IS OPEN! Send me your requests!

One thought on “Amnesia

  1. Excellent instructions her repentance Bernie! Thank you so much for your hard work and ministry through this blog, my friend. May God give you peace and open doors do the gospel for you today.

    Liked by 1 person

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